What is Adoption?

"Does anyone know what adoption means?" my Sunday school teacher asked. Being adopted myself, I was pretty sure I knew what it meant, but I wasn't talking. I don't remember how old I was when this happened, but based on the classroom in the church I think we were in Kansas, so I would have been in third grade. Or close enough if I've got the wrong church in mind. With so many moves from the Army, it is easy to get them kind of confused in my head.

Anyway, I wasn't about to give an answer because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. None of the other kids answered, so the teacher answered herself. Turns out the word adoption means you can inherit from the parents. Well, that didn't sound quite right at all to me, so after church I asked my mom what she thought. She didn't agree either. And now, years later, I suspect she had a talk with that teacher. But I also recognize the teacher was trying to make the point that as God's adopted children, we can inherit all the good things He has for those He loves.

My parents have died, and yes, there was an inheritance, but being adopted means so much more than being able to inherit. From the dictionary, the word means to legally take (another's child) and bring it up as one's own." Simple words to describe a complex concept. There are three sides to understanding adoption. The child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents. Adopting.com has a great article about this but allow me to paraphrase here based on my situation.  

From my perspective (the child), adoption was a loss in order to gain. I suffered a profound loss before I was ever adopted. I lost the one person I knew in the world, and at five weeks old was given to strangers for the rest of my life. My heritage and genetic makeup were the only things I took into this relationship. But for years, they would only surface sometimes at the doctor's office. So while adoption is almost always for the child's good, it took much time for me to sort out this realization. Over time, I saw my adoption as an act of love – from my birth mother, who gave me the gift of a better life, and from my parents, who chose to love me, one not of their flesh, as their own. They loved me as their own, and I love them as my own.

For my birth mother, adoption was a heart-wrenching decision, even though she knew it was the best and right thing. Until we reunited, she lived with loss and grief for years. However, she never stopped thinking about me or loving me. Her love for me drove her decision to consider adoption.

My (adopted) parents took me by choice into relationship (Webster's dictionary). By the way, I dislike the term adopted parents. My parents are my parents. They may not have brought me into this world, but they loved me into life and cared for me as their own. My parents had one child but wanted more and didn't think they were able to conceive again. So, as generous as they both were, adoption was a natural fit for them. They had lots of love to give and loved me from the moment they saw me. Mom said that when she held me in her arms for the first time, she knew I would belong to her forever.

I recently read a story about a man who has four children, and he forgets which two were adopted. This sentiment mirrors my life. My parents never treated me any differently than my siblings. I was disciplined the same, cherished the same, had the same amount of time and money spent on me, and was loved the same. Well, maybe they loved me just a little bit more sometimes, but I suspect we all felt that way in my family. What a blessing that is – to feel you are the favorite child. My father wrote letters to all of us during our lives. I treasure the letters he wrote me; I have one where he said I was the answer to all his prayers. My dad had the innate ability to make everyone he connected with feel unique and worthy. My heavenly Father is the same. We are all His favorites. He whispers this truth in our ears, and if we dare to believe, it will change everything.  

What does adoption mean to you? If you aren't adopted, have a relationship with anyone who is adopted, or put a child up for adoption, you may not have given it any thought.

I see earthly adoption as a tangible picture of God's love. It's a selfless gift of love that doesn't always receive recognition. And the act of adoption from my adoptive parents and my birth mother is courageous kindness, a term I have come to know recently. My parent's love and generosity brought me into a life I never could have imagined. My birth mother's act of intentional kindness changed my life. She did what she thought was best for her and me, and it was the right decision. And I thank her for being brave enough to allow my parents to take me into their home and into their hearts.